Lament of a Lemon

(Music plays in the background as we listen to the supposed ramblings of Lucifer)

Must find inspiration……… Maybe the mad mormon might mercifully manage to mime a magician. But, Bertha wouldn’t bat an eyelid. She din’t have any so it was not too difficult. As difficult as the bored shark found cryptic crosswords. It can’t be long now before I find what I am looking for. Frustration got the better of Elmer Fudd, I hear. He apparently went back to being the victim in the McWolf and the Three Elmer’s story. Water beats fire. Fire beats grass. Grass beats water. Fire also owns steel. What about glass? Splintered glass? One day, a huge meteor made of lemon is going to hit the Earth. And we would all have screwed up our face so much in reaction to the taste that this would be the next step of evolution. Maybe his noodliness can save us. Him and his velvet appendages.

(Music plays in the background as we wait and listen to the supposed ramblings of Lucifer)

All of you now have superpowers. It’s up to me to find out what it is. You have the ability to create clocks. You, on the other hand can understand the intricacies of an apple. I shall call you Jobs. You, in the corner. You will henceforth be blessed with the power of handling hot tentacles with the grace of a bullfrog in heat. And you, fat man, will be known as Jibbernova. Your power? Find out for yourself. I like Football. Why else would I use it whenever I want to write about something which cannot be alluded to directly? The noises you hear crashing down are all in your head. Telling you that you’ve missed something huge. Earth-shattering. Worse than that lemon meteor which is going to hit us in the same time that a bazooka would take to travel through space on top of a charmed antelope.

(Music plays in the background while we all close our eyes and listen to the supposed ramblings of Lucifer)

Poof. Why would they want to humiliate someone thus? They might as well have called it “Hey! I missed you. Muaaah. Shit! I did not know our union would cause so much damage!!”. And how cliched is Divided We Stand. It’s as if they vented all their developmental anger on poor Meepo. And his brother Meepwn. Or sister. It’s almost satisfying to see that Djokovic’s and Nadal’s better halves aren’t random blonde bimbos. There’s some hope left for the world. Look at Ashley “I want to get back with my wife!!! Psstt… babe send me a naked pic of yourself. Naa.. Cheryl? I am not getting back with her” Cole. Sick. Sick.

(Lucifer dancing around wildly as he eats and walks on enchanted fire)

Sit up straight. The day the octagons came into town, people realized that the merman was here to stay. Wretched pixels bore the brunt of the toxic seeds brought in by the mermen. Or so the mermen thought. Until the pixels bought a regenerative software which turned the tables. The mermen were on fire. However, as we know, water owns fire. Disorder. Chaos. Breathe. Contradictions are a part of the ultimate legacy. Is this the end? No way. This is how it all begins. Until the day we evolve into lemon beings.

(Lucifer satisfied and buries himself in the snow)